“If a train doesn’t stop at your station, then it isn’t your train.” ~ Marianne Williamson
How many times have you fretted over what didn’t happen for you? That relationship that you so wanted to work. That job that you just KNEW was going to be the answer to your prayers. That dream house that you bid on but then lost because someone came in with a higher bid. The account for which you were competing. The dog at the shelter that you so desperately wanted but when you went back, he was gone. And on and on it can go.
The bottom line is: If it doesn’t happen for you, it just wasn’t meant to be. It’s as simple as that. No use spending time questioning why or how or beating yourself up that you didn’t do all you could’ve to make it happen. The could’ve, should’ve, would’ve’s can really wreak havoc on your peace of mind.
Wouldn’t it be so much easier – and healthier– if you simply accepted that it just didn’t work out? And be at peace with the fact that it wasn’t your train…
But what if you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take no for an answer? You fight and manipulate and try to bend things in your favor. Here’s what Marianne Williamson goes on to say about that train:
“Don’t try to flag down the conductor and convince them to stop there, even if their own map says that they should just keep going. You may not realize it, but there’s another train trying to come toward you, unable to get into your station because a train that doesn’t even belong there is being delayed there by your intensity.”
Chill out. Be secure in the knowledge that your train is on its way. The one that just passed and didn’t stop for you: it wasn’t yours. But your train WILL come. Know that.
Have you chased trains? Have you desperately tried to change outcomes? If so, did you ever find that you should’ve left well-enough alone?
Angels Bark 
This is the story of my life. I’ve tried to change plenty of outcomes–notably two marital break-ups. I guess if things hadn’t gone the way the did I wouldn’t be where I am now and I’m pretty happy where I am now. Things have always seemed to turn out for the best for me.
Arlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out
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Me too. I have a hard time hearing No. That’s not always a bad thing: being in Sales, it was a good attribute because I fought for business and it helped in my success. But it’s not always a good thing either. I think we should let the Universe unfold as it should. We all have free will but I believe that there is destiny involved. When we try to manipulate and change outcomes, we often interfere with that destiny…or at least prolong its arrival.
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Hi, Michele!
This is another great topic, one to which we can all relate. Of all the examples you listed, the “missed train” that would make me most miserable would be the dog at the shelter that was gone when I returned to adopt it. The bond that I form with an animal in only a few seconds time is so powerful that it would be quite a blow if I lost the opportunity to shower it with love for a lifetime and was left wondering if the person who adopted it would give the animal all I was willing to give.
A few years ago Mrs. Shady and I were house hunting. We spent weekends touring open houses and fell in love with one that was built in 1941. We began the paperwork required to purchase the home and were very disappointed when we found out that another couple beat us to it. Only a short time later, we found ourselves giddy with excitement as we made plans to build a custom house of our own.
When a four year love relationship blew-up in my face, I tried much too long to reason with the woman trying to get her to change her mind. I begged. I pleaded. I promised. She remained unconvinced and we split up. I was devastated at the time, but can look back at the break-up from today’s perspective and feel thankful for that outcome.
If you spend all of your time chasing that one train you thought was “it” you will most likely miss other trains, other opportunities, that are just as good or better.
Thank you, dear friend Michele!
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Very true. We can stand in our own way and miss good opportunities. I’ve gotten in my own way more times than I can count!
How awesome that you ended up building your own house. That’s exciting. I remember the first house I put a bid on I lost and I was devastated at the time but it ended up being the best outcome because the house I’m in now I absolutely love. It’s a much better home than the one I lost … and in a much better neighborhood. I’m very happy here. I don’t know that I would’ve been as happy there.
Thanks for stopping by Shady!
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What a great quote, Michele, and especially significant for me since I live literally right across the street from the train station and see every single train that passes by in both directions! Some, like the express commuters or the freight trains don’t stop, they just keep on going. This quote falls right in line with my other favorite, “Things happen for a reason.” Have a great Wednesday!
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Oh yes, I’m a big believer in Things happen for a reason. I think that things also happen in our best interest, even though it might not seem like it at the time, often when we look back, we find that all worked out for the better.
Thanks for stopping over today Janet!
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Perfect! I love this!!
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Thanks Trisha!
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Such good advice! I see people get SO caught up in the things they didn’t accomplish. Just keep trying!
Stephanie
http://stephie5741.blogspot.com
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Yes, it’s such a waste of valuable time grieving over missed opportunities. And sometimes we spend so much time concentrating on what we missed that we end up missing great things that are right before our very eyes…but we don’t see them because we’re too busy looking backward.
Thanks for stopping by Stephanie!
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They say hindsight is 20/20. If only I could get that vantage viewpoint looking forward…. I’ve chased trains and impatiently waited for trains. Usually my train is leaving the shipyard and I’ve completely missed the boat. Story of my life, right there in a nutshell.
Mary
Jingle Jangle Jungle
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I hear ya Mary. I’d love to have 20/20 vision of the future. I know all about missing the boat…but then again, was it our boat? Maybe we weren’t supposed to be on that boat…
I’ve always had a Murphy’s Law kind of life… but at least I can kinda laugh about it all now. Thankfully…
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Another great quote. And another great time of digging into deeply for the true meaning. I used to care for an elderly woman who’s favorite phrase was “It is what it is” I am one of those people who just can’t let that train go by without trying to convince it that it might be ‘my train.’ This gives me a lot to chew on tonight!!
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Oh I love that quote “It is what it is”! I say that all the time. I first heard it from my contractor who is an awesome guy and I love his outlook on life. He says that frequently and now I find myself saying it frequently too. It’s so true! It is what it is. That’s just the way it is!
Glad you liked my post. Thanks Paula.
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Too right, Michele! We allow our focus to latch onto certain things simply because we want them, we think we need them, or even deserve them—but, more often than not, they’re the wrong things. I love the analogy of the train… another one—the right one—trying to come to you but it can’t because that other one you’re so bent on taking is obstructing its way. Powerful thoughts, Michele. We all need a reminder to go with the flow… I recently read something about Taoism and Feng Shui, about how “birds don’t fly, they’re flown; fish don’t swim, they’re swum”… Anyone who’s ever had to battle a current knows how implacable they can be. We fight them at our own peril.
Great, great post!
Guilie @ Life In Dogs
P.S. — My A2Z Reflection post is finally up… and I thought you’d like to know that Bella’s story is the blog’s No. 5 all-time most popular post 🙂 Congratulations—and THANK YOU!
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“We fight them at our own peril.” So true! You’re right: we latch on to the things we THINK we need or want and when we don’t or can’t get them, we turn over every last stone to try to find it and make it happen. If we are successful, we often find that the prize isn’t worth the effort put into winning it.
I love your P.S.!! I’m so excited that Bella’s story was a popular post. Thank YOU!!! I’m heading to your blog now to read your Reflections post. Thanks!
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Michele, I don’t think there is a single person who can’t relate to this situation and you’re right, it’s best to say that’s not meant for me. Unfortunately we don’t do just that and find ourselves chasing something that isn’t for us until we hit a wall. That’s when we say, Hmmm, I guess it’s time to move on. Great post and reminder. We need to move forward and accept what we can’t change. Thanks for sharing!
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Hey Cathy. Your comment just reminded me of the Serenity Prayer, which I need to call on more often. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Such wise words there. I’ve called on that prayer so many times when things in my life weren’t going like I thought they should be going. It took 53 years but I finally learned to just leave it up to the Universe and let everything unfold as it is supposed to…
Thanks for coming by! Have a great weekend.
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I think everyone has experienced this to some degree; some have chased only a train or two and others, for whatever reason, have chased dozens. Looking back, I did most of my train chasing in my 20s. By my 30s, I had come to realization, through experience and reflection, that unanswered prayers and missed trains were usually blessings in disguise. Once armed with that knowledge, it made the acceptance and letting go of things that weren’t meant to be much easier for me. Until someone has had several of these incidents under his/her belt and reflects upon the experience and what followed, I don’t think the “it’s simply not your train” concept is easy to grasp. Some, unfortunately, never grasp it and spend all their lives chasing missed trains and missing out on the great things that were meant for them but that they missed because they weren’t ready. Thought provoking post. Have a great day!
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Excellent comment! And so true. I gave up chasing trains a long time ago. Of course I’m in my 50s now so that means that I’ve chased and chased long enough!
“No” has always been a hard concept for me to grasp and it was a great attribute for me when I was in Sales because I fought hard for the business and that made me successful…but it was exhausting in other areas of my life.
As you pointed out, it’s much easier as you get older to accept those passing trains….and for me, I hear No and I just accept it as my angels whispering “not now” or “not yet” …or “it’s not for you”…
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Erika.
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Very interesting topic Michele. By age and experience I did learn to accept, that not all is meant to be, as I could wish for, but then it was not the meaning from the beginning.
I have just been searching for houses again and even I found some, as could be a posibility, I didn’t get them. I saw this as a sign to me, that I didn’t found the right one for me yet.
Then I found the right one and even very close to, where I live now and I really like this area.
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And look how good it turned out for you! The house you have now was the one you were supposed to end up with. Perfect!
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Yes, I agree. Right now this new house are getting prepared for the move in.
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