“Forgiveness is selective forgetting.” ~ A Course in Miracles
This might be the best definition of forgiveness that I’ve seen. Indeed it seems to work for me; if I completely remove the incident/infraction from my mind, I seem to be able to forgive. In the past I’ve found myself saying “I can forgive you but I will never forget”…but in reality that doesn’t seem to hold true. For as long as I remembered the incident, it stayed with me and I couldn’t ever seem to move past it and into forgiveness.
As I’ve gotten older, I find that I don’t hold grudges like I used to. At least not for small things. If I can move past something that has angered or hurt me, if I can put it out of my mind, then I find that I can more easily move into a realm of true forgiveness. A Course in Miracles just may have hit it right on with this quote.
For most of my life, I’ve always had a hard time with forgiveness; that is until I reached middle age. Now things just didn’t seem to carry as much weight as they once did. I move past things much more quickly now. How about you? Can you forgive easily? Do you believe that forgiveness is selective forgetting?What helps you to truly forgive?
Middle age does seem to help with forgiveness doesn’t it. I don’t know if I forgive more quickly now or just move on faster than I used to!
Just think of all that time wasted when we were younger, holding onto grudges. And look at what we probably missed out on: getting to know a person better, growing with a person, had we not held on to that silly grudge…
Thanks for stopping by Paula.
I’ve rarely held grudges for long. Sometimes I might have a feeling similar to conditioning as in the way I might avoid unpleasantness such as not touching a hot stove because of my experiential knowledge of getting burned. Holding grudges and not forgiving can be such a burden and it’s so much easier to let everything go whenever possible.
Age has made forgiving easier for me and forgetting pretty well seems to go with the territory of growing older. I can see how forgiveness might be thought of as selective forgetting though in reality when the act of forgiving occurs I don’t think we can ever totally forget why the act was necessary.
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Road trippin’ with A to Z
Tossing It Out
True, such a heavy burden. I’ve had years of unpleasantness due to an unforgiving nature. I’m just glad that my later years can be lived in relative peace now that I choose to let go. And yes, you’re right: we may never be able to truly forget: I guess that’s why they call is “selective forgetting”. It’s all a choice. Thanks for stopping by Lee.
you are right about the age thing. I think when we are young we get all “hopped” up on something and become almost self righteous. As we get older I have realized there are more important things to be upset about than some crap that won’t mean much in the long run. I know I can forgive and I choose to forget. Actually i remember but I choose to let it go to maintain peace or, more importantly love and friendship since that weighs more than a grudge or a wrong. I will also say there are some that I can’t forgive and there is a good reason but I do not dwell or be upset by it-that would make my life not as pleasurable.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good points Birgit. I too have some that I absolutely can not forgive and most of that is with people I don’t even know: (animal abusers and child abusers). I don’t know that I could EVER forgive in those circumstances but I can’t think about it either because, like you say, it definitely interferes with peace of mind and makes life not pleasurable. I just have to hope that justice will be served to those perpetrators at some point in their lives (or their after-lives). Thanks for your comments!
I like that – “Selective Forgetting”. Easier said than done, as I’m more of the “forgive but never forget” type. One of my closest friends really pissed me off a couple of weeks ago and she knows I’m upset but hasn’t made any moves to smooth things over. We’ve been friends since the 70s, so I guess the onus is on me, yet again. Sigh…..Still trying to figure out how to be graceful about it. 😛 A timely post, Michele. Thanks!
It’s always hard when you have communication breakdowns with good friends. I had one where we didn’t talk for over a year but when we finally came back together, hashed it out, came to an understanding, things went back to the way they were before the blowup. Hopefully you will work it out with your friend Debbie. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Thanks for stopping by. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I agree and I’m over my anger now. Just trying to find a graceful way to broach the subject and put it behind us. Have a good weekend. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Obviously it depends on the situation, but the majority off things I just let go off. Life is way to short to waste on negativity. Holding grudges usually affects you more than the person you are holding it against.
Popping by on the A to Z Road Trip
Hi Debbie. That is so true: the grudge eats at the person holding it and the other person probably doesn’t even think about it! Thanks for stopping by from the Road Trip! Will be by your site soon…