F is for …

FThe Best and the Worst of F Words

One of my favorite words begin with F. I’m sure you know which one I’m talking about. That crude four-letter word, to me, is an important communication tool. It’s a word I use when I want to place great emphasis on something that I’m saying. It’s also very effective when used in the passionate throes of hot steamy sex.

On the other hand, one of the ugliest F words is FAT. I hate that word! In our thin-obsessed society, the word has grown to be one that can throw a woman (or a man) into a downward spiral of crash dieting, eating disorders, body dysmorphia and even into a full-blown state of depression. It’s a bad word, fat.

Another F word that I have come to hate is FACE. Let me just state this on behalf of all the beautiful fat women in the world: The worst compliment you can give us is to say, “You have such a pretty face.” If I hear that one more time I’m going to scream and not stop screaming. God, it makes me crazy!

Why is this compliment so bothersome and so very uncool? Because if you are complimenting a thin woman, you say, “You’re so pretty” or “You’re beautiful.” But when you compliment a plus-size woman, you say “You have such a pretty face,” “You have a beautiful face.”

Do you know what that tells us? It tells us that although our face is pretty, the rest of us is garbage, and that everything below our necks is worthless. In other words, you’re telling us that 95 percent of our physical being is horrid. That’s exactly what it says to us. To use another F word, it’s so fucking insulting!

I do believe that most people who use that compliment are coming from a place of love and they don’t even realize the implications their phraseology has on the one being complimented. But, please, from now on, consider your words before you tell a fat woman that she’s beautiful. Don’t pinpoint her face. Just say, “You’re beautiful.” Period. Because that’s what we are.

With that being said, I’m going to do something very foreign and unfamiliar to me. After years of growing up fat in America and decades of self-image and body image issues, I’m going to be brave here and finally, for the first time in my life, I’m going to claim my beauty. And I’m only doing this for me:

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25 thoughts on “F is for …

  1. A great post. You are right, most people don’t think before they give compliments and sometimes they will be given in a way to misunderstand the meaning.
    Remember one thing; We are responsable for all we say, but we are not responsable for, what other people do hear.
    This said without bad minding, because it is so very easy to say one thing and the receiving part do hear something total different.

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  2. Great points! I compliment sparingly for the very reasons you write about. I grew up overly thin and there wasn’t a day go by that I didn’t have to hear how thin I was. I’ve gotten over thinness quite nicely.

    At my age, I’ve pretty much come to terms with this vessel I’m in and try to remember the words I use in describing myself and others.

    Be gentle with others is my motto.

    The other F word? Oh yes, sometimes no other word will do. Love, susan

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  3. Yes, age sure does help in the self-image department! I don’t know that I’m yet coming to terms with my vessel because it’s been a lifetime of anger but I’m getting closer to not giving a shit! 🙂 I love your motto! Thanks so much for your comment. ❤

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    • Thank you Lynn! And it’s so nice when someone gets it, truly gets it. That means a lot to me. Thanks for that! ❤

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  4. Oh how I wish there was a “LOVE THIS” button here because I would click on it again….and again…..and again. You are so beautiful inside and out, and for those who can’t see that, well, fuck ’em! ❤

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  5. Damn! We must be related. I use the same F word for the same reason, (it’s just another word and not offensive, to me). and also am not a skinny minnie type. You look beautiful! Right on, Sista!!

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  6. Beautiful post! I love it and agree wholeheartedly. I have a number of favorite F words 😉 but fat and face aren’t two of them. Thanks for putting this into words! ❤

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